Subtitles
when we go back to the origins of 00:00:01
when we go back to the origins of 00:00:05
when we go back to the origins of Western civilization in the Hebrew and 00:00:05
Western civilization in the Hebrew and 00:00:08
Western civilization in the Hebrew and Christian traditions we find that the 00:00:08
Christian traditions we find that the 00:00:13
Christian traditions we find that the idea of marriage and the experience of 00:00:13
idea of marriage and the experience of 00:00:18
idea of marriage and the experience of falling in love are really rather 00:00:18
falling in love are really rather 00:00:19
falling in love are really rather separate things because in those earlier 00:00:19
separate things because in those earlier 00:00:24
separate things because in those earlier times in agrarian cultures nobody ever 00:00:24
times in agrarian cultures nobody ever 00:00:30
times in agrarian cultures nobody ever chose their marriage partner there are 00:00:30
chose their marriage partner there are 00:00:34
chose their marriage partner there are certain exceptions to this that in 00:00:34
certain exceptions to this that in 00:00:37
certain exceptions to this that in ancient Greece you occasionally find a 00:00:37
ancient Greece you occasionally find a 00:00:41
ancient Greece you occasionally find a woman who is called a Parthenos which 00:00:41
woman who is called a Parthenos which 00:00:45
woman who is called a Parthenos which has been mistranslated virgin the 00:00:45
has been mistranslated virgin the 00:00:48
has been mistranslated virgin the correct meaning of Parthenos is a woman 00:00:48
correct meaning of Parthenos is a woman 00:00:51
correct meaning of Parthenos is a woman who chooses her own husband and there 00:00:51
who chooses her own husband and there 00:00:55
who chooses her own husband and there were very few of them and in that 00:00:55
were very few of them and in that 00:00:57
were very few of them and in that passage in the gospel and the book of 00:00:57
passage in the gospel and the book of 00:00:59
passage in the gospel and the book of the prophet Isaiah 00:00:59
the prophet Isaiah 00:01:00
the prophet Isaiah where it says behold a virgin shall 00:01:00
where it says behold a virgin shall 00:01:01
where it says behold a virgin shall conceive and bear a son and his name 00:01:01
conceive and bear a son and his name 00:01:03
conceive and bear a son and his name should be called Immanuel that is in 00:01:03
should be called Immanuel that is in 00:01:06
should be called Immanuel that is in Greek Parthenos a parthenon shall 00:01:06
Greek Parthenos a parthenon shall 00:01:08
Greek Parthenos a parthenon shall conceive and that therefore has nothing 00:01:08
conceive and that therefore has nothing 00:01:11
conceive and that therefore has nothing strictly to do with a virgin although a 00:01:11
strictly to do with a virgin although a 00:01:13
strictly to do with a virgin although a woman who chooses her own husband might 00:01:13
woman who chooses her own husband might 00:01:15
woman who chooses her own husband might conceivably be a virgin but by and large 00:01:15
conceivably be a virgin but by and large 00:01:21
conceivably be a virgin but by and large a marriage was an alliance of families 00:01:21
a marriage was an alliance of families 00:01:27
a marriage was an alliance of families and it was contracted not simply for the 00:01:27
and it was contracted not simply for the 00:01:33
and it was contracted not simply for the purpose of raising children yes but also 00:01:33
purpose of raising children yes but also 00:01:37
purpose of raising children yes but also to create a social unit smaller than a 00:01:37
to create a social unit smaller than a 00:01:41
to create a social unit smaller than a village a village therefore being a 00:01:41
village a village therefore being a 00:01:45
village a village therefore being a cluster of families and these families 00:01:45
cluster of families and these families 00:01:48
cluster of families and these families were rather large so families allied the 00:01:48
were rather large so families allied the 00:01:54
were rather large so families allied the oldsters the grandpa and grandma who had 00:01:54
oldsters the grandpa and grandma who had 00:01:57
oldsters the grandpa and grandma who had an enormous voice in who their children 00:01:57
an enormous voice in who their children 00:01:59
an enormous voice in who their children were going to marry used to as you know 00:01:59
were going to marry used to as you know 00:02:02
were going to marry used to as you know our suppose this is no news to any of 00:02:02
our suppose this is no news to any of 00:02:04
our suppose this is no news to any of you used to dicker and use go-betweens 00:02:04
you used to dicker and use go-betweens 00:02:08
you used to dicker and use go-betweens and they considered not only whether 00:02:08
and they considered not only whether 00:02:11
and they considered not only whether this girl was suitable for their 00:02:11
this girl was suitable for their 00:02:13
this girl was suitable for their son and vice versa but also what kind of 00:02:13
son and vice versa but also what kind of 00:02:16
son and vice versa but also what kind of a dowry she would bring whether it would 00:02:16
a dowry she would bring whether it would 00:02:18
a dowry she would bring whether it would be advantageous to the two families to 00:02:18
be advantageous to the two families to 00:02:20
be advantageous to the two families to form such an alliance and of course 00:02:20
form such an alliance and of course 00:02:22
form such an alliance and of course these things almost up to quite recent 00:02:22
these things almost up to quite recent 00:02:24
these things almost up to quite recent times were always important in the 00:02:24
times were always important in the 00:02:27
times were always important in the marital affairs of royal families but as 00:02:27
marital affairs of royal families but as 00:02:31
marital affairs of royal families but as is notorious all royal families and 00:02:31
is notorious all royal families and 00:02:34
is notorious all royal families and kings and queens kept concubines and had 00:02:34
kings and queens kept concubines and had 00:02:38
kings and queens kept concubines and had outside arrangements when and if they 00:02:38
outside arrangements when and if they 00:02:41
outside arrangements when and if they should happen to fall in love and even 00:02:41
should happen to fall in love and even 00:02:44
should happen to fall in love and even if they didn't they had mistresses 00:02:44
if they didn't they had mistresses 00:02:47
if they didn't they had mistresses simply to prevent monogamy from becoming 00:02:47
simply to prevent monogamy from becoming 00:02:50
simply to prevent monogamy from becoming monotony so that is the basis you see 00:02:50
monotony so that is the basis you see 00:02:56
monotony so that is the basis you see and that is why to this day a marriage 00:02:56
and that is why to this day a marriage 00:03:00
and that is why to this day a marriage is a civil or and/or religious ceremony 00:03:00
is a civil or and/or religious ceremony 00:03:05
is a civil or and/or religious ceremony the basis of which is a contract a legal 00:03:05
the basis of which is a contract a legal 00:03:12
the basis of which is a contract a legal contract which one signs on the dotted 00:03:12
contract which one signs on the dotted 00:03:16
contract which one signs on the dotted line and therefore there are all kinds 00:03:16
line and therefore there are all kinds 00:03:19
line and therefore there are all kinds of laws as laws relate to contracts that 00:03:19
of laws as laws relate to contracts that 00:03:22
of laws as laws relate to contracts that this contract is very difficult to get 00:03:22
this contract is very difficult to get 00:03:24
this contract is very difficult to get out of the rationale for that being 00:03:24
out of the rationale for that being 00:03:27
out of the rationale for that being quite obvious that society believes that 00:03:27
quite obvious that society believes that 00:03:32
quite obvious that society believes that it requires a secure environment for 00:03:32
it requires a secure environment for 00:03:34
it requires a secure environment for children but also just the general 00:03:34
children but also just the general 00:03:38
children but also just the general stability of things because when the 00:03:38
stability of things because when the 00:03:43
stability of things because when the people break up a marriage it's sort of 00:03:43
people break up a marriage it's sort of 00:03:45
people break up a marriage it's sort of unnerving for everyone you see a couple 00:03:45
unnerving for everyone you see a couple 00:03:50
unnerving for everyone you see a couple and you think for a long time that 00:03:50
and you think for a long time that 00:03:52
and you think for a long time that they're the happiest and best adjusted 00:03:52
they're the happiest and best adjusted 00:03:54
they're the happiest and best adjusted couple you ever met the next thing you 00:03:54
couple you ever met the next thing you 00:03:56
couple you ever met the next thing you know is that they've split up and you 00:03:56
know is that they've split up and you 00:03:59
know is that they've split up and you begin to think now what goes on here are 00:03:59
begin to think now what goes on here are 00:04:02
begin to think now what goes on here are all my friends crazy because you see 00:04:02
all my friends crazy because you see 00:04:05
all my friends crazy because you see people breaking up all around course you 00:04:05
people breaking up all around course you 00:04:08
people breaking up all around course you call it breaking up 00:04:08
call it breaking up 00:04:09
call it breaking up that's a put down phrase to break up 00:04:09
that's a put down phrase to break up 00:04:15
that's a put down phrase to break up especially it sounds of smashing 00:04:15
especially it sounds of smashing 00:04:17
especially it sounds of smashing something is if there's something 00:04:17
something is if there's something 00:04:18
something is if there's something precious had been smashed whereas it may 00:04:18
precious had been smashed whereas it may 00:04:22
precious had been smashed whereas it may be something quite different altogether 00:04:22
be something quite different altogether 00:04:24
be something quite different altogether depending on how you evaluate it 00:04:24
but now into this kind of funeral 00:04:28
but now into this kind of funeral 00:04:31
but now into this kind of funeral conception of marriage there came in 00:04:31
conception of marriage there came in 00:04:35
conception of marriage there came in very largely I think as a result of the 00:04:35
very largely I think as a result of the 00:04:40
very largely I think as a result of the poetic movement that was centered in 00:04:40
poetic movement that was centered in 00:04:45
poetic movement that was centered in southern France in Provence in the 00:04:45
southern France in Provence in the 00:04:47
southern France in Provence in the Middle Ages what is called the cult of 00:04:47
Middle Ages what is called the cult of 00:04:51
Middle Ages what is called the cult of courtly love this is something about 00:04:51
courtly love this is something about 00:04:58
courtly love this is something about which scholars dispute according to one 00:04:58
which scholars dispute according to one 00:05:03
which scholars dispute according to one theory the nightly or courtly lover who 00:05:03
theory the nightly or courtly lover who 00:05:10
theory the nightly or courtly lover who was also a poet would select a lady to 00:05:10
was also a poet would select a lady to 00:05:17
was also a poet would select a lady to be his heart's desire preferably a 00:05:17
be his heart's desire preferably a 00:05:20
be his heart's desire preferably a married lady and he would yearn for her 00:05:20
married lady and he would yearn for her 00:05:26
married lady and he would yearn for her and sing songs under her window and send 00:05:26
and sing songs under her window and send 00:05:32
and sing songs under her window and send messages to her and little tokens of his 00:05:32
messages to her and little tokens of his 00:05:34
messages to her and little tokens of his devotion but according to this 00:05:34
devotion but according to this 00:05:36
devotion but according to this particular theory he must never go to 00:05:36
particular theory he must never go to 00:05:38
particular theory he must never go to bed with her not only would that be 00:05:38
bed with her not only would that be 00:05:41
bed with her not only would that be adultery but it would spoil the state of 00:05:41
adultery but it would spoil the state of 00:05:43
adultery but it would spoil the state of being in love that it should always be 00:05:43
being in love that it should always be 00:05:47
being in love that it should always be an unfulfilled state and an unhappy 00:05:47
an unfulfilled state and an unhappy 00:05:49
an unfulfilled state and an unhappy state this is the theory of Dennis 00:05:49
state this is the theory of Dennis 00:05:52
state this is the theory of Dennis DiPalma in his book love in the Western 00:05:52
DiPalma in his book love in the Western 00:05:55
DiPalma in his book love in the Western world or passion in society it has two 00:05:55
world or passion in society it has two 00:05:57
world or passion in society it has two titles and the other theory is probably 00:05:57
titles and the other theory is probably 00:06:00
titles and the other theory is probably more realistic that this was first of 00:06:00
more realistic that this was first of 00:06:05
more realistic that this was first of all the the the great ladies of the 00:06:05
all the the the great ladies of the 00:06:10
all the the the great ladies of the noble families were awfully bored 00:06:10
noble families were awfully bored 00:06:14
noble families were awfully bored because their husbands were always out 00:06:14
because their husbands were always out 00:06:17
because their husbands were always out hunting and making war and wenching and 00:06:17
hunting and making war and wenching and 00:06:20
hunting and making war and wenching and so on and therefore they had to have 00:06:20
so on and therefore they had to have 00:06:22
so on and therefore they had to have lovers too and so they did indeed have a 00:06:22
lovers too and so they did indeed have a 00:06:27
lovers too and so they did indeed have a doubtless affairs on the side and a 00:06:27
doubtless affairs on the side and a 00:06:30
doubtless affairs on the side and a great deal of poetry rose out about this 00:06:30
great deal of poetry rose out about this 00:06:32
great deal of poetry rose out about this because you see it's a the my friend 00:06:32
because you see it's a the my friend 00:06:36
because you see it's a the my friend yang cavada always says 00:06:36
yang cavada always says 00:06:39
yang cavada always says that laws about sexual relationships 00:06:39
that laws about sexual relationships 00:06:41
that laws about sexual relationships should never be liberalized there should 00:06:41
should never be liberalized there should 00:06:46
should never be liberalized there should always be strict disapproval of adultery 00:06:46
always be strict disapproval of adultery 00:06:49
always be strict disapproval of adultery and fornication because if there is not 00:06:49
and fornication because if there is not 00:06:52
and fornication because if there is not that strict disapproval and if it's not 00:06:52
that strict disapproval and if it's not 00:06:54
that strict disapproval and if it's not difficult to attain it's less fun and I 00:06:54
difficult to attain it's less fun and I 00:06:59
difficult to attain it's less fun and I have worked out those of you who've read 00:06:59
have worked out those of you who've read 00:07:01
have worked out those of you who've read my book beyond theology I've worked out 00:07:01
my book beyond theology I've worked out 00:07:04
my book beyond theology I've worked out a whole theory of the Christian 00:07:04
a whole theory of the Christian 00:07:05
a whole theory of the Christian repression of sex that the secret intent 00:07:05
repression of sex that the secret intent 00:07:08
repression of sex that the secret intent of this was to make people more 00:07:08
of this was to make people more 00:07:11
of this was to make people more interested in sex because if there is 00:07:11
interested in sex because if there is 00:07:14
interested in sex because if there is complete liberality in promiscuity in 00:07:14
complete liberality in promiscuity in 00:07:16
complete liberality in promiscuity in every direction it all becomes so easy 00:07:16
every direction it all becomes so easy 00:07:18
every direction it all becomes so easy that it might indeed be in danger of 00:07:18
that it might indeed be in danger of 00:07:21
that it might indeed be in danger of becoming a bore and then people would 00:07:21
becoming a bore and then people would 00:07:25
becoming a bore and then people would seek other dissipations of perhaps a 00:07:25
seek other dissipations of perhaps a 00:07:29
seek other dissipations of perhaps a lesser healthy kind so then as a result 00:07:29
lesser healthy kind so then as a result 00:07:38
lesser healthy kind so then as a result of the gradual fusion of these two 00:07:38
of the gradual fusion of these two 00:07:40
of the gradual fusion of these two approaches to the relationship of the 00:07:40
approaches to the relationship of the 00:07:42
approaches to the relationship of the sexes we have arrived at the idea of the 00:07:42
sexes we have arrived at the idea of the 00:07:47
sexes we have arrived at the idea of the romantic marriage in which the two 00:07:47
romantic marriage in which the two 00:07:51
romantic marriage in which the two trends are Mis allied to say the very 00:07:51
trends are Mis allied to say the very 00:07:55
trends are Mis allied to say the very least you are suppose therefore to fall 00:07:55
least you are suppose therefore to fall 00:07:59
least you are suppose therefore to fall in love with someone and of your own 00:07:59
in love with someone and of your own 00:08:03
in love with someone and of your own choice naturally it has to be that way 00:08:03
choice naturally it has to be that way 00:08:04
choice naturally it has to be that way if you're going to fall in love if that 00:08:04
if you're going to fall in love if that 00:08:06
if you're going to fall in love if that is a choice and then enter into that 00:08:06
is a choice and then enter into that 00:08:11
is a choice and then enter into that relationship with a legal contract in 00:08:11
relationship with a legal contract in 00:08:15
relationship with a legal contract in which you get up before a magistrate or 00:08:15
which you get up before a magistrate or 00:08:17
which you get up before a magistrate or a priest and do solemnly curse and swear 00:08:17
a priest and do solemnly curse and swear 00:08:20
a priest and do solemnly curse and swear that you will be faithful to each other 00:08:20
that you will be faithful to each other 00:08:22
that you will be faithful to each other until death do you part 00:08:22
until death do you part 00:08:25
until death do you part which leads often to murder 00:08:25
and it seems to me perfectly obvious 00:08:30
and it seems to me perfectly obvious 00:08:33
and it seems to me perfectly obvious that two young people who are extremely 00:08:33
that two young people who are extremely 00:08:37
that two young people who are extremely anxious to get into each other's 00:08:37
anxious to get into each other's 00:08:40
anxious to get into each other's embraces and the only way of doing so 00:08:40
embraces and the only way of doing so 00:08:43
embraces and the only way of doing so under the circumstances is entering into 00:08:43
under the circumstances is entering into 00:08:45
under the circumstances is entering into this contract will naturally be ready to 00:08:45
this contract will naturally be ready to 00:08:47
this contract will naturally be ready to promise anything to fulfill this desire 00:08:47
promise anything to fulfill this desire 00:08:53
promise anything to fulfill this desire and while there are indeed many many 00:08:53
and while there are indeed many many 00:09:00
and while there are indeed many many married legally married couples who have 00:09:00
married legally married couples who have 00:09:04
married legally married couples who have a very very happy alliance that goes on 00:09:04
a very very happy alliance that goes on 00:09:07
a very very happy alliance that goes on all their lives and we don't hear about 00:09:07
all their lives and we don't hear about 00:09:10
all their lives and we don't hear about them because good news is never news 00:09:10
them because good news is never news 00:09:14
them because good news is never news it's only the unhappy couples who make 00:09:14
it's only the unhappy couples who make 00:09:17
it's only the unhappy couples who make the news papers then there are enormous 00:09:17
the news papers then there are enormous 00:09:20
the news papers then there are enormous numbers of them but they are mainly I 00:09:20
numbers of them but they are mainly I 00:09:22
numbers of them but they are mainly I think people who were lucky there is no 00:09:22
think people who were lucky there is no 00:09:26
think people who were lucky there is no way of making a marriage work 00:09:26
way of making a marriage work 00:09:29
way of making a marriage work so far as I know to cause every attempt 00:09:29
so far as I know to cause every attempt 00:09:33
so far as I know to cause every attempt to make a marriage work is secretly 00:09:33
to make a marriage work is secretly 00:09:36
to make a marriage work is secretly within the breasts of each partner 00:09:36
within the breasts of each partner 00:09:37
within the breasts of each partner builds up hostility you can I know all 00:09:37
builds up hostility you can I know all 00:09:44
builds up hostility you can I know all this I'm speaking from a certain amount 00:09:44
this I'm speaking from a certain amount 00:09:46
this I'm speaking from a certain amount of bitter experience you can work very 00:09:46
of bitter experience you can work very 00:09:51
of bitter experience you can work very hard to keep a marriage together 00:09:51
hard to keep a marriage together 00:09:53
hard to keep a marriage together and as you do so you may fail to 00:09:53
and as you do so you may fail to 00:09:59
and as you do so you may fail to recognize you see that you are being 00:09:59
recognize you see that you are being 00:10:00
recognize you see that you are being untrue to your own emotions and you 00:10:00
untrue to your own emotions and you 00:10:04
untrue to your own emotions and you think well I must control my emotions 00:10:04
think well I must control my emotions 00:10:06
think well I must control my emotions for the sake of children for the sake of 00:10:06
for the sake of children for the sake of 00:10:09
for the sake of children for the sake of society for the sake of everything like 00:10:09
society for the sake of everything like 00:10:11
society for the sake of everything like that and so you work and work and one of 00:10:11
that and so you work and work and one of 00:10:14
that and so you work and work and one of the ways of working is to try to 00:10:14
the ways of working is to try to 00:10:16
the ways of working is to try to convince yourself that you're in love 00:10:16
convince yourself that you're in love 00:10:17
convince yourself that you're in love and you go through the pretenses of love 00:10:17
and you go through the pretenses of love 00:10:22
and you go through the pretenses of love you hypnotize yourself with loving 00:10:22
you hypnotize yourself with loving 00:10:25
you hypnotize yourself with loving language towards your partner you go out 00:10:25
language towards your partner you go out 00:10:29
language towards your partner you go out of your way you make little lists to 00:10:29
of your way you make little lists to 00:10:31
of your way you make little lists to remember attentions you must pay you 00:10:31
remember attentions you must pay you 00:10:33
remember attentions you must pay you keep a diary in which you remember your 00:10:33
keep a diary in which you remember your 00:10:35
keep a diary in which you remember your wedding anniversary because you were 00:10:35
wedding anniversary because you were 00:10:36
wedding anniversary because you were very liable to forget it and all these 00:10:36
very liable to forget it and all these 00:10:39
very liable to forget it and all these things and you really work it now the 00:10:39
things and you really work it now the 00:10:41
things and you really work it now the more you work it the more you're 00:10:41
more you work it the more you're 00:10:42
more you work it the more you're building up promises and expert 00:10:42
building up promises and expert 00:10:44
building up promises and expert patience for something that you are 00:10:44
patience for something that you are 00:10:46
patience for something that you are probably not going to come through with 00:10:46
probably not going to come through with 00:10:48
probably not going to come through with at the level of deep feeling and 00:10:48
at the level of deep feeling and 00:10:50
at the level of deep feeling and everyone is well aware of that is a hint 00:10:50
everyone is well aware of that is a hint 00:10:54
everyone is well aware of that is a hint ERG announcer you know it in the back of 00:10:54
ERG announcer you know it in the back of 00:10:56
ERG announcer you know it in the back of your mind and so you build yourself 00:10:56
your mind and so you build yourself 00:10:59
your mind and so you build yourself increasingly into a wall-to-wall trap 00:10:59
increasingly into a wall-to-wall trap 00:11:04
increasingly into a wall-to-wall trap and so the mutual hostility grows worse 00:11:04
and so the mutual hostility grows worse 00:11:11
and so the mutual hostility grows worse and worse and worse so that one 00:11:11
and worse and worse so that one 00:11:12
and worse and worse so that one psychologist was recently known to ask a 00:11:12
psychologist was recently known to ask a 00:11:15
psychologist was recently known to ask a patient with whom are you in love 00:11:15
patient with whom are you in love 00:11:17
patient with whom are you in love against the most Awkward cost form of 00:11:17
against the most Awkward cost form of 00:11:27
against the most Awkward cost form of falling in love is between people who 00:11:27
falling in love is between people who 00:11:31
falling in love is between people who are already married to someone else and 00:11:31
are already married to someone else and 00:11:36
are already married to someone else and because you see this is a cataclysmic 00:11:36
because you see this is a cataclysmic 00:11:38
because you see this is a cataclysmic and disruptive experience in our present 00:11:38
and disruptive experience in our present 00:11:40
and disruptive experience in our present social order and we know of I mean 00:11:40
social order and we know of I mean 00:11:44
social order and we know of I mean Victorian novels a lot of people are 00:11:44
Victorian novels a lot of people are 00:11:46
Victorian novels a lot of people are still living out Victorian novels but in 00:11:46
still living out Victorian novels but in 00:11:49
still living out Victorian novels but in Victorian novels the great thing is 00:11:49
Victorian novels the great thing is 00:11:51
Victorian novels the great thing is we're a couple madly in love with each 00:11:51
we're a couple madly in love with each 00:11:55
we're a couple madly in love with each other say to each other well it's best 00:11:55
other say to each other well it's best 00:11:58
other say to each other well it's best for us that we don't see each other 00:11:58
for us that we don't see each other 00:12:00
for us that we don't see each other anymore this is becoming bigger than 00:12:00
anymore this is becoming bigger than 00:12:03
anymore this is becoming bigger than either of us and so this this 00:12:03
either of us and so this this 00:12:11
either of us and so this this fantastically marr'd experience is 00:12:11
fantastically marr'd experience is 00:12:14
fantastically marr'd experience is denied swept under the rug and strangled 00:12:14
what should one do well as I've often 00:12:21
what should one do well as I've often 00:12:26
what should one do well as I've often said I'm not a preacher and therefore I 00:12:26
said I'm not a preacher and therefore I 00:12:29
said I'm not a preacher and therefore I don't know what you should do but I 00:12:29
don't know what you should do but I 00:12:34
don't know what you should do but I would like to make some reflections on 00:12:34
would like to make some reflections on 00:12:37
would like to make some reflections on this particular form of madness and to 00:12:37
this particular form of madness and to 00:12:39
this particular form of madness and to raise again a very disturbing question 00:12:39
raise again a very disturbing question 00:12:41
raise again a very disturbing question and this disturbing question is as 00:12:41
and this disturbing question is as 00:12:44
and this disturbing question is as follows is it only when you're in love 00:12:44
follows is it only when you're in love 00:12:47
follows is it only when you're in love with another person that you see them as 00:12:47
with another person that you see them as 00:12:50
with another person that you see them as they really are and in the ordinary way 00:12:50
they really are and in the ordinary way 00:12:55
they really are and in the ordinary way when you're not in love with people you 00:12:55
when you're not in love with people you 00:12:57
when you're not in love with people you see only 00:12:57
see only 00:12:58
see only a fragmented version of that being 00:12:58
a fragmented version of that being 00:13:00
a fragmented version of that being because when you're in love with someone 00:13:00
because when you're in love with someone 00:13:02
because when you're in love with someone you do indeed see them as a Divine Being 00:13:02
you do indeed see them as a Divine Being 00:13:04
you do indeed see them as a Divine Being and suppose that's what they are truly 00:13:04
and suppose that's what they are truly 00:13:09
and suppose that's what they are truly in your eyes I have by your beloved been 00:13:09
in your eyes I have by your beloved been 00:13:13
in your eyes I have by your beloved been opened in which case your beloved is 00:13:13
opened in which case your beloved is 00:13:16
opened in which case your beloved is serving to you as a kind of guru an 00:13:16
serving to you as a kind of guru an 00:13:20
serving to you as a kind of guru an initiator and that is why there is a 00:13:20
initiator and that is why there is a 00:13:24
initiator and that is why there is a form of sexual yoga based on the idea 00:13:24
form of sexual yoga based on the idea 00:13:29
form of sexual yoga based on the idea that man and woman are to each other as 00:13:29
that man and woman are to each other as 00:13:32
that man and woman are to each other as mutual guru and student and through a 00:13:32
mutual guru and student and through a 00:13:36
mutual guru and student and through a tremendous outpouring of psychic energy 00:13:37
tremendous outpouring of psychic energy 00:13:40
tremendous outpouring of psychic energy in total devotion and worship to this 00:13:40
in total devotion and worship to this 00:13:43
in total devotion and worship to this other person who is respectively the 00:13:43
other person who is respectively the 00:13:45
other person who is respectively the goddess or the God you realize by total 00:13:45
goddess or the God you realize by total 00:13:50
goddess or the God you realize by total fusion and contact with the other 00:13:50
fusion and contact with the other 00:13:52
fusion and contact with the other organism you go down to the divine 00:13:52
organism you go down to the divine 00:13:56
organism you go down to the divine center in them and it bounces back and 00:13:56
center in them and it bounces back and 00:13:58
center in them and it bounces back and you discover your own or you could put 00:13:58
you discover your own or you could put 00:14:01
you discover your own or you could put it in this way which is another aspect 00:14:01
it in this way which is another aspect 00:14:03
it in this way which is another aspect of it that by falling in love and 00:14:03
of it that by falling in love and 00:14:07
of it that by falling in love and regarding falling in love not just as a 00:14:07
regarding falling in love not just as a 00:14:11
regarding falling in love not just as a sort of firm sexual infatuation because 00:14:11
sort of firm sexual infatuation because 00:14:15
sort of firm sexual infatuation because it's always more than that isn't it I 00:14:15
mean you you can have a great sexual 00:14:19
mean you you can have a great sexual 00:14:23
mean you you can have a great sexual enjoyment with a pleasant friend you 00:14:23
enjoyment with a pleasant friend you 00:14:27
enjoyment with a pleasant friend you know but you may do so simply because he 00:14:27
know but you may do so simply because he 00:14:32
know but you may do so simply because he or she appeals to your aesthetic senses 00:14:32
or she appeals to your aesthetic senses 00:14:36
or she appeals to your aesthetic senses but when you fall in love it's much more 00:14:36
but when you fall in love it's much more 00:14:39
but when you fall in love it's much more serious involvement you just cannot 00:14:39
serious involvement you just cannot 00:14:42
serious involvement you just cannot forget this person you feel miserable 00:14:42
forget this person you feel miserable 00:14:45
forget this person you feel miserable we're not in their presence 00:14:45
we're not in their presence 00:14:46
we're not in their presence you're always yearning let's get see 00:14:46
you're always yearning let's get see 00:14:50
you're always yearning let's get see more of each other let's get together 00:14:50
more of each other let's get together 00:14:51
more of each other let's get together that's we're completely entangled and 00:14:51
that's we're completely entangled and 00:14:55
that's we're completely entangled and then you see you've actually a kind of 00:14:55
then you see you've actually a kind of 00:14:57
then you see you've actually a kind of out what I will call spiritual element 00:14:57
out what I will call spiritual element 00:14:59
out what I will call spiritual element has been introduced and the Hindus were 00:14:59
has been introduced and the Hindus were 00:15:03
has been introduced and the Hindus were sensible enough to realize that this was 00:15:03
sensible enough to realize that this was 00:15:08
sensible enough to realize that this was a means of awakening in light 00:15:08
a means of awakening in light 00:15:12
a means of awakening in light and therefore it was surrounded with a 00:15:12
and therefore it was surrounded with a 00:15:19
and therefore it was surrounded with a sort of rigid religious ritual 00:15:19
sort of rigid religious ritual 00:15:23
sort of rigid religious ritual meditative art with a form of sexual 00:15:23
meditative art with a form of sexual 00:15:30
meditative art with a form of sexual yoga that is designed to allow the 00:15:30
yoga that is designed to allow the 00:15:35
yoga that is designed to allow the feeling of mutual love but to the extent 00:15:35
feeling of mutual love but to the extent 00:15:39
feeling of mutual love but to the extent of grand passion to have an extremely 00:15:39
of grand passion to have an extremely 00:15:43
of grand passion to have an extremely fitting fulfillment and expression 00:15:43
falling in love is a thing that strikes 00:15:49
falling in love is a thing that strikes 00:15:55
falling in love is a thing that strikes like lightning and is therefore 00:15:55
like lightning and is therefore 00:15:59
like lightning and is therefore extremely analogous to the mystical 00:15:59
extremely analogous to the mystical 00:16:04
extremely analogous to the mystical vision we don't know how really people 00:16:04
vision we don't know how really people 00:16:10
vision we don't know how really people attain the mystical vision there is not 00:16:10
attain the mystical vision there is not 00:16:15
attain the mystical vision there is not as yet a very clear rationale as to how 00:16:15
as yet a very clear rationale as to how 00:16:18
as yet a very clear rationale as to how it happens 00:16:18
it happens 00:16:19
it happens because we do know that it is opened to 00:16:19
because we do know that it is opened to 00:16:22
because we do know that it is opened to many people who never did anything to 00:16:22
many people who never did anything to 00:16:24
many people who never did anything to look for it many people especially in 00:16:24
look for it many people especially in 00:16:28
look for it many people especially in adolescence have had the mystical vision 00:16:28
adolescence have had the mystical vision 00:16:30
adolescence have had the mystical vision all of a sudden without the slightest 00:16:30
all of a sudden without the slightest 00:16:32
all of a sudden without the slightest warning and with no previous interest in 00:16:32
warning and with no previous interest in 00:16:35
warning and with no previous interest in that kind of thing on the other hand 00:16:35
that kind of thing on the other hand 00:16:38
that kind of thing on the other hand many people who have practiced yoga or 00:16:38
many people who have practiced yoga or 00:16:42
many people who have practiced yoga or Zen disciplines or what you will for 00:16:42
Zen disciplines or what you will for 00:16:44
Zen disciplines or what you will for years and years and years have never 00:16:44
years and years and years have never 00:16:46
years and years and years have never seen it and in both classes there are of 00:16:46
seen it and in both classes there are of 00:16:53
seen it and in both classes there are of course exceptions there are those who 00:16:53
course exceptions there are those who 00:16:56
course exceptions there are those who have never had the spontaneous 00:16:56
have never had the spontaneous 00:16:57
have never had the spontaneous experience and there are those who 00:16:57
experience and there are those who 00:16:59
experience and there are those who through yoga or Zen have attained this 00:16:59
through yoga or Zen have attained this 00:17:02
through yoga or Zen have attained this insight but as yet we are not clear as 00:17:02
insight but as yet we are not clear as 00:17:05
insight but as yet we are not clear as to why it comes about and if there is 00:17:05
to why it comes about and if there is 00:17:08
to why it comes about and if there is any method of attaining it the best one 00:17:08
any method of attaining it the best one 00:17:10
any method of attaining it the best one is probably to give up the whole idea of 00:17:10
is probably to give up the whole idea of 00:17:12
is probably to give up the whole idea of getting it 00:17:12
but you see it is completely 00:17:19
but you see it is completely 00:17:21
but you see it is completely unpredictable and so it is in that way 00:17:21
unpredictable and so it is in that way 00:17:25
unpredictable and so it is in that way like falling in love 00:17:25
like falling in love 00:17:29
like falling in love capricious and therefore crazy but if 00:17:29
capricious and therefore crazy but if 00:17:36
capricious and therefore crazy but if you should be so fortunate as to 00:17:36
you should be so fortunate as to 00:17:40
you should be so fortunate as to encounter either of these experiences it 00:17:40
encounter either of these experiences it 00:17:43
encounter either of these experiences it seems to me to be a total denial of life 00:17:43
seems to me to be a total denial of life 00:17:47
seems to me to be a total denial of life to refuse it and what we therefore have 00:17:47
to refuse it and what we therefore have 00:17:53
to refuse it and what we therefore have to admit in our society so that we can 00:17:53
to admit in our society so that we can 00:17:57
to admit in our society so that we can contain this kind of madness we must be 00:17:57
contain this kind of madness we must be 00:18:03
contain this kind of madness we must be far more realistic about the marriage 00:18:03
far more realistic about the marriage 00:18:06
far more realistic about the marriage arrangement so that it can contain the 00:18:06
arrangement so that it can contain the 00:18:12
arrangement so that it can contain the possibility of falling in love when you 00:18:12
possibility of falling in love when you 00:18:15
possibility of falling in love when you base marriage you see unfallen in love 00:18:15
base marriage you see unfallen in love 00:18:18
base marriage you see unfallen in love and you go into a pseudo love affair 00:18:18
and you go into a pseudo love affair 00:18:21
and you go into a pseudo love affair which is simply hot pants and set up a 00:18:21
which is simply hot pants and set up a 00:18:26
which is simply hot pants and set up a rigid family in which you expect of the 00:18:26
rigid family in which you expect of the 00:18:29
rigid family in which you expect of the other person that they will always be in 00:18:29
other person that they will always be in 00:18:33
other person that they will always be in love with you and then in that context 00:18:33
love with you and then in that context 00:18:38
love with you and then in that context you go and fall in love then you're 00:18:38
you go and fall in love then you're 00:18:42
you go and fall in love then you're falling in love is of necessity 00:18:42
falling in love is of necessity 00:18:44
falling in love is of necessity disruptive of the marriage and of the 00:18:44
disruptive of the marriage and of the 00:18:46
disruptive of the marriage and of the family but you see it could only disrupt 00:18:46
family but you see it could only disrupt 00:18:52
family but you see it could only disrupt it because the love relationship between 00:18:52
it because the love relationship between 00:18:55
it because the love relationship between the two partners was false was pretended 00:18:55
the two partners was false was pretended 00:18:59
the two partners was false was pretended but if our marriage were based more on 00:18:59
but if our marriage were based more on 00:19:06
but if our marriage were based more on the old idea of the the reasonable 00:19:06
the old idea of the the reasonable 00:19:10
the old idea of the the reasonable contract between two people to bring up 00:19:10
contract between two people to bring up 00:19:12
contract between two people to bring up children who are maybe expected at the 00:19:12
children who are maybe expected at the 00:19:15
children who are maybe expected at the best to be good friends and to allow 00:19:15
best to be good friends and to allow 00:19:21
best to be good friends and to allow each other to be persons that is to say 00:19:21
each other to be persons that is to say 00:19:26
each other to be persons that is to say in the ordinary sense of the word person 00:19:26
in the ordinary sense of the word person 00:19:28
in the ordinary sense of the word person to have their own freedom there 00:19:28
to have their own freedom there 00:19:32
to have their own freedom there if love strikes it is tolerated within 00:19:32
if love strikes it is tolerated within 00:19:36
if love strikes it is tolerated within this arrangement provided you not going 00:19:36
this arrangement provided you not going 00:19:40
this arrangement provided you not going to be so unreasonable as to go on to say 00:19:40
to be so unreasonable as to go on to say 00:19:42
to be so unreasonable as to go on to say well I've since I've fallen in love with 00:19:42
well I've since I've fallen in love with 00:19:45
well I've since I've fallen in love with somebody else I must marry them but it's 00:19:45
somebody else I must marry them but it's 00:19:47
somebody else I must marry them but it's perfectly ridiculous you see in this way 00:19:47
perfectly ridiculous you see in this way 00:19:52
perfectly ridiculous you see in this way we can think about and structure the 00:19:52
we can think about and structure the 00:19:55
we can think about and structure the necessary stable social institution of 00:19:55
necessary stable social institution of 00:19:58
necessary stable social institution of family of some kind without it being 00:19:58
family of some kind without it being 00:20:01
family of some kind without it being constantly threatened of foundering on 00:20:01
constantly threatened of foundering on 00:20:05
constantly threatened of foundering on the rocks of love now you see this this 00:20:05
the rocks of love now you see this this 00:20:12
the rocks of love now you see this this then means that when when people marry 00:20:12
then means that when when people marry 00:20:15
then means that when when people marry if they take care any vows at all to 00:20:15
if they take care any vows at all to 00:20:18
if they take care any vows at all to each other instead of saying that they 00:20:18
each other instead of saying that they 00:20:23
each other instead of saying that they will always be true to each other in the 00:20:23
will always be true to each other in the 00:20:25
will always be true to each other in the sense of meaning I will always love you 00:20:25
sense of meaning I will always love you 00:20:29
sense of meaning I will always love you it means I will be true to you in the 00:20:29
it means I will be true to you in the 00:20:32
it means I will be true to you in the sense of I will always be truthful to 00:20:32
sense of I will always be truthful to 00:20:34
sense of I will always be truthful to you I will not pretend that my feelings 00:20:34
you I will not pretend that my feelings 00:20:38
you I will not pretend that my feelings towards you are other than what they are 00:20:38
towards you are other than what they are 00:20:40
towards you are other than what they are because I marry you because I think that 00:20:40
because I marry you because I think that 00:20:45
because I marry you because I think that you are a reasonable person to live with 00:20:45
you are a reasonable person to live with 00:20:46
you are a reasonable person to live with and therefore I want you to be you I 00:20:46
and therefore I want you to be you I 00:20:49
and therefore I want you to be you I want you to be someone else 00:20:49
want you to be someone else 00:20:50
want you to be someone else I want you believed rubber-stamp of me 00:20:50
I want you believed rubber-stamp of me 00:20:53
I want you believed rubber-stamp of me how boring that would be so it is really 00:20:53
how boring that would be so it is really 00:20:58
how boring that would be so it is really an arrangement not of as the we always 00:20:58
an arrangement not of as the we always 00:21:01
an arrangement not of as the we always say jocularly did you get the ball and 00:21:01
say jocularly did you get the ball and 00:21:04
say jocularly did you get the ball and chain on him but an arrangement in which 00:21:04
chain on him but an arrangement in which 00:21:07
chain on him but an arrangement in which people set each other free and make an 00:21:07
people set each other free and make an 00:21:12
people set each other free and make an alliance to cooperate with each other in 00:21:12
alliance to cooperate with each other in 00:21:14
alliance to cooperate with each other in certain ways how if it should so occur 00:21:14
certain ways how if it should so occur 00:21:18
certain ways how if it should so occur that they are of immense sexual 00:21:18
that they are of immense sexual 00:21:20
that they are of immense sexual attraction to each other so much the 00:21:20
attraction to each other so much the 00:21:23
attraction to each other so much the better 00:21:23
better 00:21:24
better but this should not be a primary factor 00:21:24
but this should not be a primary factor 00:21:26
but this should not be a primary factor in entering into marriage and admittedly 00:21:26
in entering into marriage and admittedly 00:21:31
in entering into marriage and admittedly you must be to a certain extent 00:21:31
you must be to a certain extent 00:21:33
you must be to a certain extent attractive to each other otherwise there 00:21:33
attractive to each other otherwise there 00:21:35
attractive to each other otherwise there will be no progeny but 00:21:35
but this is this seems to me to be a 00:21:43
but this is this seems to me to be a 00:21:45
but this is this seems to me to be a sensible and reasonable view and just 00:21:45
sensible and reasonable view and just 00:21:48
sensible and reasonable view and just because it is sensible and reasonable it 00:21:48
because it is sensible and reasonable it 00:21:51
because it is sensible and reasonable it can accommodate what is not sensible and 00:21:51
can accommodate what is not sensible and 00:21:53
can accommodate what is not sensible and reasonable which is falling in love we 00:21:53
reasonable which is falling in love we 00:21:58
reasonable which is falling in love we week should regard then marriage as if 00:21:58
week should regard then marriage as if 00:22:00
week should regard then marriage as if especially if it should possibly be 00:22:00
especially if it should possibly be 00:22:03
especially if it should possibly be called holy matrimony as a mutual 00:22:03
called holy matrimony as a mutual 00:22:08
called holy matrimony as a mutual setting free of two people to live 00:22:08
setting free of two people to live 00:22:11
setting free of two people to live together in freedom and therefore in 00:22:11
together in freedom and therefore in 00:22:14
together in freedom and therefore in responsibility because the present 00:22:14
responsibility because the present 00:22:17
responsibility because the present situation although it's pretending to be 00:22:17
situation although it's pretending to be 00:22:19
situation although it's pretending to be responsible is in fact extremely 00:22:19
responsible is in fact extremely 00:22:22
responsible is in fact extremely irresponsible because it is dishonesty 00:22:22
irresponsible because it is dishonesty 00:22:26
irresponsible because it is dishonesty with respect to the way you feel towards 00:22:26
with respect to the way you feel towards 00:22:30
with respect to the way you feel towards another person 00:22:30
another person 00:22:32
another person well now really when we go back then to 00:22:32
well now really when we go back then to 00:22:35
well now really when we go back then to falling in love and say it's crazy 00:22:35
falling in love and say it's crazy 00:22:40
falling in love and say it's crazy falling you see we don't say rising in 00:22:40
falling you see we don't say rising in 00:22:45
falling you see we don't say rising in to love there is in it the idea of the 00:22:45
to love there is in it the idea of the 00:22:49
to love there is in it the idea of the fall and it is goes back as a matter of 00:22:49
fall and it is goes back as a matter of 00:22:53
fall and it is goes back as a matter of fact two extremely fundamental things 00:22:53
fact two extremely fundamental things 00:22:55
fact two extremely fundamental things that there is always a curious tie at 00:22:55
that there is always a curious tie at 00:23:03
that there is always a curious tie at some point between the fall and the 00:23:03
some point between the fall and the 00:23:08
some point between the fall and the creation taking this ghastly risk is the 00:23:08
creation taking this ghastly risk is the 00:23:16
creation taking this ghastly risk is the condition of there being life you see 00:23:16
condition of there being life you see 00:23:21
condition of there being life you see for all the life is an act of faith and 00:23:21
for all the life is an act of faith and 00:23:26
for all the life is an act of faith and an act of gamble the moment you take a 00:23:26
an act of gamble the moment you take a 00:23:30
an act of gamble the moment you take a step you do so on an act of faith 00:23:30
step you do so on an act of faith 00:23:34
step you do so on an act of faith because you don't really know that the 00:23:34
because you don't really know that the 00:23:35
because you don't really know that the floor is not going to give under your 00:23:35
floor is not going to give under your 00:23:36
floor is not going to give under your feet the moment you take a journey what 00:23:36
feet the moment you take a journey what 00:23:40
feet the moment you take a journey what an act of faith the moment you enter 00:23:40
an act of faith the moment you enter 00:23:42
an act of faith the moment you enter into any kind of human undertaking in 00:23:42
into any kind of human undertaking in 00:23:45
into any kind of human undertaking in relationship what an act of faith see 00:23:45
relationship what an act of faith see 00:23:48
relationship what an act of faith see you've given yourself up but this is the 00:23:48
you've given yourself up but this is the 00:23:52
you've given yourself up but this is the most power 00:23:52
most power 00:23:53
most power thing that can be done surrender see and 00:23:53
thing that can be done surrender see and 00:23:55
thing that can be done surrender see and love is an act of surrender to another 00:23:55
love is an act of surrender to another 00:23:58
love is an act of surrender to another person total abandonment I give myself 00:23:58
person total abandonment I give myself 00:24:04
person total abandonment I give myself to you take me do anything you like with 00:24:04
to you take me do anything you like with 00:24:07
to you take me do anything you like with me see so that's quite mad because you 00:24:07
me see so that's quite mad because you 00:24:14
me see so that's quite mad because you see it's letting things get out of 00:24:14
see it's letting things get out of 00:24:15
see it's letting things get out of control all sensible people keep things 00:24:15
control all sensible people keep things 00:24:18
control all sensible people keep things in control watch it watch it watch it 00:24:18
in control watch it watch it watch it 00:24:23
in control watch it watch it watch it security vigilance watch it police watch 00:24:23
security vigilance watch it police watch 00:24:30
security vigilance watch it police watch it guards watch it who's going to watch 00:24:30
it guards watch it who's going to watch 00:24:32
it guards watch it who's going to watch the guards so actually therefore the the 00:24:32
the guards so actually therefore the the 00:24:41
the guards so actually therefore the the course of wisdom what is really sensible 00:24:41
course of wisdom what is really sensible 00:24:44
course of wisdom what is really sensible is to let go is to commit oneself to 00:24:44
is to let go is to commit oneself to 00:24:48
is to let go is to commit oneself to give oneself up and that's quite mad so 00:24:48
give oneself up and that's quite mad so 00:24:50
give oneself up and that's quite mad so we come to the strange conclusion that 00:24:50
we come to the strange conclusion that 00:24:52
we come to the strange conclusion that in madness lies sanity 00:24:52